The Budge-Nuzzard

My brain has children. This is one of them. Click post titles for the podcast version.

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Location: Weem-Ti

Newly arrived and hideously gnawed.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006


In my upper head there is a great celebration, for the cessation of my long plodding has come! Have I at last achieved that feverishly sought Voonville? Nay. But I have had contact once more with the Samurai and he has delivered me a welcome boon.

Not two days ago, the Samurai Contact Nodule began to tremble and throb mightily in my bag. This, I knew, could mean but one thing. The Master of Shadowy Might was at hand! I looked to and listened fro and soon upon the ground before me did he appear with a terrible harrumphing. I told him of those deplorable Legions of Leapers Wee and he leapt about and sniffed furiously. When he found no hiding Leaper he leapt again and spoke.

“Leapers Wee bad! Pan good! Find Pan!"

Once more he then harrumphed and thrust his eyes at me, and once more I cowered into my very body in fear. After a bit of fearful blathering I succeeded in relating to him my situation. I was indeed seeking to seek Pan and find it there whence it might be finally found. In Voonville did it surely lie, I assured him. He narrowed his bulging eyes and considered my words in what would have been silence if not for a phummorous gurgle that escaped his innermost self.

“Foolish Weem!” he cried. “Voonville in Canada! Very far!”

Such despair did I endure at those words as I have not tasted since I slept a loathsome night under a yammer tree in the Wold of Woe. Canada! Oh that I should be destined for such a bottomous place. Then within myself I summoned a great bloating of courage. For even though darkest Canada be my sojourn’s end, I shall gladly suffer such that I might wrest from my wicked progeny my Anne who is thoroughly captured and long un-nubbled.

Then did the Samurai loose a terrific howl, and in swift answer did that hairiest of allies lope into view from a perch unseen. The Sha-Una came upon us with hair and hope and saluted the Samurai smartly. The Samurai bulged his eyes back at the Sha-Una and pointed a shadowy finger northward.

Canada!” he said and then was gone.

Ere I could still my trembling head, I was swept up and stuffed handily into a great, warm, and rather comfy marsupial pouch. I looked up and the Sha-Una smiled down at me there within. A great howl issued from that hairiest of allies and we were away at a great wonder of a loping speed the likes of which my plodding could never match. From within my pouch of flesh and hair I peered out at the passing world and marveled. With such speed to bear me onward, I shall see my Voonville soon.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A Sighting

As my feet hurled me from that town of moultering folk, I dared nary a backward peering lest I slow my quickening plod and fall into the clutches of that leaping menace slurking now behind. The Samurai Contact Nodule, having lately been mashed with urgent need, pulsed in my bag as it beckoned its dark master to my side. How long I must needs wait for that master of shadowy might, my mind refused to divulge, if indeed it knew at all. A mind is a wiley and willful thing, and one must not deal with it too shrewdly, nor too lightly, lest it revolt, as mine is often wont to do.

But since that night of mashing madness and moultering men, I have a new representation to consider. I received it from one known to many as and here do I present it to you.

At first I found it harmless, and pitiful. For a time, I daresay I was rather flummoxed! But when I read the note from that mucky Fred, I shuddered my lobes and looked again. Here presented to you are his words:

“Budge-Nuzzard sighting!”

So did mine eyes flounce about to divine what Nuzzardous nature might hide within. But no matter how furiously they flounced about they spied no Nuzzard therein. What to make of it? Indeed I was near to casting aside this seemingly benign representation. And then my mind spoke a terrible thought. Surely no Nuzzard would permit itself to be so easily revealed. Surely a Budge and Nuzzard one would shun all form representation. And thus was this one now suspect. Its very absence of Nuzzardous nature within was proof indeed of that Budge-Nuzzard lurking in unseen secret. Such cunning! Such devilry! Nowhere upon the picture could I or mine eyes discover any clear Nuzzardous portent. Surely this was proof of my wicked progeny and his slinking thereupon.

Therefore did I remove the representation to my buttock pocket. I thank you kindly for this mighty clue. When I have attained my Voonville and settled there what mystery lies within, I shall at once attend again this place you have here empictured and accost my wicked progeny whence he lurks. Perhaps, ere my plodding ends, others of this world shall also spy and capture such remarvelant clues. If so, I shall be sure to here relate them, for your digestion.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Noodle Bugs!

Upon the very outskirts of that Moultrie town, a thick and heavy man leapt from some clandestine cranny and called out to me.

“I sack! I sack!” he cried.

“Sack what?” said I.

What followed after shall, at length, require a great gloaning. This sacking man spoke to me these words, which in my fleeing state, I have not yet had time to properly relish. Thus were his words:

"The night was nasty and noisy. Nine Nuts is in his nest. He is a bird with a noodle on his head. He has a noisy frog on his head, too. The frog says, 'Never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch a thorn.' Nine Nuts just crackled. He felt a seal bump him in the back and he fell out of the noisy noodle tree and landed in another noodle tree. He saw noodle bugs!"

Intriguing indeed.

Then gone was that man into memory, and I alone once more upon that northward way.

Sunday, February 05, 2006


Long did I evade those Leapers Wee, but the horror of their menace was ever upon my mind. My boldly-empurposed journey became a period of wandering. Oh, how that sun of yonder light did beat upon my brow with lashing fire and hottest heat. And oh, how that gibbous moon grew fuller yet and mocked me with its haughty glow!

When in utter despondence did my upper head assure my lower limbs that all was lost and soon consumed by evil deeds of Leapers Wee, did I chance alas upon what I hoped to be that glorious Voonville. Ended was that wandering madness, gone now away those slinking minions of evil deed.

And thus did I approach a man and thrust his way my hairily given card. He looked upon it with confusion. How odd, I thought, that such a man of Voonville should look thereon and know not of its address. And then did I learn of a terrible thing. This place, this town, was not my destination. It was, in fact, known by the name of Moultrie. Certainly, this was a town of foul and bottomous folk. I inquired of this moultering man the whereabouts of my long asearched Voonville and no answer could he give.

What to do? Surely that princely Edgar prodded me northward, and surely such a man would never lead me false. So then did I sit upon a rock and contemplate my way. How further north could my Voonville lie? Not far I dearly hoped. As I groped about in the hollow of my bag for oranges, I then took hold of a hopeful thing. The Samurai Contact Nodule. Did I dare to activate such and call him hence? Surely he could advise me well. And yet, his hunt for my wicked progeny could be foiled by such a calling. Such dire decisions did I long consider.

Then in the distance, I spied a small leaping. Even now those Leapers are close upon very presence. I cannot delay. So with bold and decisive fingers did I mash upon the button. The Contact Nodule glowed and pulsed with needful hope, then I took my feet and cast them to the ground.

“Plod onward!” I cried, and soon did they comply. With no backward glance I left that town of hideously moultering folk and fled to the north where somewhere in darkness lay that Voonish land of wandering's end.