The Budge-Nuzzard

My brain has children. This is one of them. Click post titles for the podcast version.

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Location: Weem-Ti

Newly arrived and hideously gnawed.

Monday, April 03, 2006


Voonville! Dare I relate its splendor? Dare I here present its wondrous revelations? Indeed, I thought not. Therefore, shall I leave that land of the Northern Voon to your imagination and speak of things less brightly seen.

Ah! My nub throbs wildy in protest! So be it. The tale of my arrival shall I then reveal.

Note: in Weench ‘reveal’ is a term used almost exclusively by those of the cattle rearing industry, much in the same manner as those of the English tongue use ‘refried’ to oft times describe a mash of beany paste.

Accustomed as I was, after such a long passage within the Sha-Una, to the blissful rolling rhythm and bounce of my ally’s lope, you can imagine my discomfort to awake and find myself quite out of motion and seemingly still save for the slight rising of the breathing flesh that bore me hence. Indeed, I deduced at once that the Sha-Una no longer loped but instead seemed to have squatted upon the ground to await my waking.

With the caution of one long empouched I peered out from my moist enclosure to see whether I should like to dare again that Budge-infested world. For a great time did I spy the world from within, for I had no wish to be caught with or without my wares by those leaping minions of my wicked progeny. After a time I spied a figure beside the road. It was a woman upon whom age had twisted a single long and winding wrinkle that covered her entirely. Briefly, she shook her head in the direction of the Sha-Una and croaked upon us something that sounded like:

“Ain’t that awful, honey?”

As away she walked, a intended at once to watch her closely. Surely, if there were Leapers about, they would fall upon her and throunce her hideously. If, however, she escaped unharmed then I shall know the way before me safe, and extricate my body at last from that of the Sha-Una. Long did I gaze out upon that wrinkle-entwined crone, until at last she was utterly escaped and un-leapt-upon.

Then with glee did I spring forth from within that hairiest of allies and look at once for a towel to dry myself upon. Finding none however, I imposed upon the Sha-Una once more and dried myself thoroughly upon a great swath of back hair (I daresay I may never use a normal towel again!).

Now dry, I looked about me and saw upon the horizon a smallish sort of a town to the north. I broke into a feverish run and moments later I found myself joined by my ally. We sped the last mile in loping brotherhood and ere the moon could rise we stood at last upon the streets of Voonville. But then our exultations turned to woe as a hideous figure approached. Out of nightmare he came, a small rotund Englishman in a shiny black bowler—and little else! The Gnawer was come at last to end me!


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