The Budge-Nuzzard

My brain has children. This is one of them. Click post titles for the podcast version.

My Photo
Location: Weem-Ti

Newly arrived and hideously gnawed.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


What then of that Jouncey fellow and his tidy home? I shall tell you first that upon entering therein he bid me relate my many unfoldings and sat in quiet, and scarcely-clad, contemplation as I graciously revealed them. When at width I had finished my tale he spoke again and wonderous things revealed. Ah, how naive have I been. And ah, how perilous now looms the threat of my wicked progeny.

Jouncey, you see, is my long sought Pan! Oh, how the wisdom of the Samurai is thus revealed! The Hegemony of Pan I have newly alearned has long peddled odd-wares and tasty fruits in many places, as they are the sole beings in all creation with the knack for travel between any and all dimensions with little more than a moments long squirting. This, as you might imagine, places them in the rather envious position of being the most excellent source of imports and exports anywhere to be found. And thus is the Smithers and Jouncey Trading Post of Voonville the sole franchise in operation hereabout. How tidy!

Then did I learn of terrible things. The Budge-Nuzzard has laid foul plans upon the Pan Dimension (and all the innocent Pans within), and the Hegemony of Pan has lately excercised its considerable influence to move me into action against my wicked progeny! Thus was I gnawed, and thus was that Lurker driven. I must admit that I questioned the wisdom of foregoing methods of simple conveyance in favor of hideous gnawing and Jouncey, sage and sure, merely smiled and posited that much more fun was to be had with a bit of unwelcome gnawing, and much more haste to be rendered as result.

Then did he present me with a curious box. Upon its lengthy flap was writ:

“Nuzzard Carton”

Ah hah! How handy! Then did he urge me to capture my Nuzzard there within. Should that Budge and Nuzzard one find entry into the domain of Pan, then from within that land of simple Pan’s shall he rule with a terrible clutching fist and exercise a lobidious dominion upon us all. Even fair Weem-Ti may fall at last into his terrible clutch!

"But how?" I cried. "How, oh Jouncey most sage!" For though a grand carton did I now possess, I had yet to find a way to confine the Budge once its Nuzzard was there emplaced!

Only one clue could he offer, and robiderant it was.

“Seek the Lair of the Rumpled Enthoovian!”