The Budge-Nuzzard

My brain has children. This is one of them. Click post titles for the podcast version.

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Location: Weem-Ti

Newly arrived and hideously gnawed.

Thursday, December 01, 2005


At night he came. And terrible was his coming, like the rushing of a foul and broken wind. He entered the abode and darkness surrounded him, or perhaps he surrounded himself in darkness! Oh, how terrible that such help should be sought. Oh, how terrible the Nuzzard and the Budge that brought me thus.

“I come through fire! Through very hot fire!” he shouted at me. I squirmed.

In haste, I explained to him the odious tale and all the unfoldings since my arrival, just as I had done to Anne. Each word of my speaking caused his nose to scrunch in terrible anger. He harrumphed terrifically when I spoke of the Budge-Nuzzard and I nearly flung myself into unconsciousness in my fear and trembling. Oh, such harrumphing! I shudder to think of it.

When I spoke to him of the small Englishman and his hideous gnawing, his eyes widened and the sounds of deep contemplation wafted from his upper head. I longed to know the conclusions drawn of such intellectual flexing, but alas, he spoke not of his wafting contemplations.

Then I told him of the great and fearsome Leaping. I related briefly my fanciful remembrance of what I thought I heard the Nuzzard say. I dwelt upon it most shortly for I had no wish to be thought mad. But when I spoke the words, “No Pot like the Pan,” his eyes bulged and quivered and he loosed a harrumph that nearly set me blind and lump-stricken!

“What!?” I cried out to him. “What horrors have you seen in the words!?”

He was quiet then, for a long stretch of time. Perhaps over a minute. His eyes jumped, and bulged, and looked about terribly. Then at last, he spoke.

“Find Pan!” he said and then drew his sword. He flourished the blade and I thought for certain he meant to stick it into me. I hoped that he would not. Then he leapt about the room, swiping the sword through the air and sniffing the air with his loathsome nose. At last, when I thought the leaping and swiping, and sniffing had gone on enough, I stepped forward and spoke to him again.

“Haven’t we had about enough of leaping, and swiping, and sniffing?” I asked. He harrumphed. I trembled.

“Find Pan!” he cried again, “I catch! I bring here!” And now he leapt across the room and thrust his bulging eyes at me. Such trembling I have not known since the Nuzzard so terribly smote me! “You pay!” he said.

My eyes fluttered in terror and when they had stilled, the Samurai was gone.

I must think on his words. They are most unsettling.


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